Of course, the question on everyone’s minds was, “What exactly does $5 billion buy in a presidential campaign?” Musk didn’t shy away from providing answers.

“First, we’ll invest in some cutting-edge campaign technology,” Musk said, pausing for effect. “Imagine a fleet of fully autonomous Tesla Cybertrucks with Dark MAGA logos, canvassing the country and reminding people to vote for Trump. These trucks won’t just be delivering groceries—they’ll be delivering democracy!”

The crowd roared.

“And for those worried about voter turnout, don’t be,” Musk continued. “I’ve already designed a SpaceX rocket that will project Trump’s face onto the moon the night before Election Day. Every American will look up and think, ‘Yeah, that’s the guy who should be running the country.’”

In true Musk fashion, he wasn’t done. “And finally, we’re going to fund a new social media platform—one that’s even better than X. It’ll be called Freedom, and it’s where you’ll be able to say anything. No bans, no fact-checks, just pure, unfiltered freedom of speech.”

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