This bold new move is part of the NFL’s broader attempt to reclaim its turf from what many fans and owners have deemed “unnecessary distractions.” After years of debates over anthem protests, the league has decided that enough is enough. The goal? A unified football season where the only kneeling allowed is in the huddle—and even then, only for a limited amount of time, because, as Goodell emphasized, “Let’s not get carried away with the symbolism.”
“This is football,” Goodell said, raising his arms dramatically like a preacher at a revival meeting. “It’s not about politics. It’s not about social justice. It’s about 22 men on a field knocking the sense out of each other for the entertainment of the masses. And we want to get back to that pure, glorious, untainted version of the game. No more kneeling, no more ‘woke’ messaging. Just football.”
To really drive the point home, the NFL has also unveiled a series of new in-stadium rules for the season, including mandatory flag-waving during the anthem (fans will be issued small American flags at the gate) and a “stand or leave” policy where anyone caught sitting or kneeling will be asked to “reconsider their commitment to the game.” As if anyone needed further proof, the league seems dead set on removing anything even remotely political from its turf.
In one particularly bizarre twist, it’s been reported that certain teams are considering playing the national anthem multiple times throughout the game, just to ensure that players don’t get any funny ideas about protesting at halftime. There’s even talk of installing “patriot cams” in stadiums to ensure that fans and players alike are standing during the anthem. After all, as one team owner put it, “If you’re not standing, are you even an American?”
