“We’re sorry. We won’t try that again,” Hoffmann stated, his voice heavy with regret as he sipped what could only be assumed to be a non-political cup of coffee.

For those who’ve spent the past year sipping lattes and assuming the world of doughnuts was immune to the culture wars, Dunkin’s CEO confirmed otherwise. According to Hoffmann, the company’s decision to embrace what he labeled “woke ideology” was “the biggest corporate blunder since New Coke.” And, much like the ill-fated soda debacle, Dunkin’ is now scrambling to course-correct before its glazed empire crumbles entirely.

The debacle began innocuously enough—an ad campaign featuring a diverse cast, a rainbow donut, and a company-wide declaration that Dunkin’ stood proudly for “inclusivity, equity, and love.” It sounded like a recipe for success in 2023, right? Wrong. What Dunkin’ apparently didn’t anticipate was the sheer ferocity of the backlash from some of their most dedicated customers.

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